I can’t believe that Thanksgiving is next week! The holidays are coming fast. For most of us, the holidays are a crazy, joyful time of year; we get together with family and friends and spend time with nothing but celebration on the agenda. The holidays are filled with “Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas and Joy to the World”. But for many, the holidays are reminders of “what will never be the same” or “what is gone.” These are people who have experienced loss and are grieving. For these people, the holidays can be extremely painful. Speaking from experience, Christmas will never be the same without my mom playing Santa, (yes, my mom) and my uncles playing a reindeer and an elf. The holidays of old will never be again and it seems to sharpen the edge of loss, and time doesn’t seem to work its miracle. So how can we care for someone who has experienced loss during these holidays?
Here are some simple ways you can make a big difference:
- Offer to help in specific ways. Try to anticipate needs and ways you can help. For example, you might ask, “Can I help you prepare Thanksgiving dinner?” or “Can I help put out the Christmas lights?” Remember, however, to follow the person’s lead and not just impose your help.
- Help people pace themselves. The holidays are busy, and those who are hurting may need help or permission to slow down or do less than they ordinarily would. Let people know it’s okay to conserve energy, take breaks, and pick which activities and traditions to take part in.
- Ask people how they’re really doing. During the busyness of the holidays, it can be easy to just interact with people on a surface level. Finding a good time to ask hurting people how they’re really doing—and then listening—is a powerful way to care. People need to know that you understand their loss, avoiding the subject sometimes conveys that you don’t care.
- Validate feelings. When people do open up and share, listen and then show that you believe them and accept their feelings. Letting people know it’s okay to feel whatever they’re feeling can provide a lot of comfort. Telling them that the holidays will distract them or to be more joyful only invalidates their feelings and tells them they are wrong in feeling what they do.
Relating to people who are grieving a loss during the holidays really is no different than relating to them any other time of the year, it’s just more important! People who are grieving during the holidays need your care more than ever…..and remember sometimes the second year of holidays is more difficult than the first. Remember to let Jesus use you this holiday season to be one of His Christmas miracles to someone in grief!
Pastor Kathy Bartels
